I was contemplating what I could add to a compost pile to reduce the amount of kitchen waste that gets put in my trash: rotten things, broken things, discarded things, dead things, crap. Why spend time considering such possibilities? Compost makes great fertilizer, and fertilizer makes the biggest veggies, the sweetest fruit, the most amazing blooms; anything I could grow will grow better with fertilizer.
I was contemplating the crap storm that is my life. Disabled, I feel broken at times. No one discarded me, but I still feel discarded. I’m very much alive, but there are days I feel very dead. Yesterday, I threw a pity party, balloons and all; a little whine, a little cheese, it was something. And then God said to me, “fertilizer”. No, seriously, He did. Crap happens, but it makes great fertilizer. Those things in my life that make me feel broken and discarded also make me grow. I’m stronger, brighter, bolder, maybe even wiser, I dare say. I’m learning to love better. And isn’t love the most amazing thing ever?!
Yes, I’m handicapped. But I’m learning to embrace it, and grow.
“…I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:7b-10 The Message